Hello everybody! Welcome to my column.
Each month I will draw a Major Arcana tarot card which represents one of many possible paths to follow. Major Arcana cards represent the archetypical themes of life, presenting the overall possible experiences.
Deck: Mermaid Tarot By Leeza Robertson Illustrations by Julie
Card: #14 Temperance
When I started working on this month’s column, my understanding was always that Temperance meant patience. Temperance keywords within Tarot specifically, are summed up as “balance,” “moderation,” “patience,” and “bringing peace” and “harmony to life.” As I decided to research the definition more, I came to learn that there are multiple meanings behind this word. I have found it to be “moderation,” “self reliance,” “control over one’s acts,” and “abstinence from drinking.” The Bible describes it as “emotional restraint” or “self control.” In Hebrew it stands for “modesty” and “humbleness.” I then dug deeper and found there to be a psychology theory that bases Temperance into four main character strengths: “forgiveness,” “humility,” “prudence,” and “self regulation.” I read the Mermaid Tarot book, that comes with the specific deck which I use for this column, and found it to imply patience and presence for alignment. I even reached out to a couple friends and asked them “When I say the word ‘Temperance’ what comes to mind?” I heard technical definitions of self reliant, moderation in good things, a comparison to the word temper from a cooking method in which you add hot items to cold items slowly and evenly, and my favorite response: “Bones! Temperance Bones.”
With all these different definitions swirling around me, where do I go from here? How do I continue when I had one idea, and there seems to be many. I took a step back and came to notice a bit of a theme; self control. If we take self control and add this to the importance of presence, take away the cooking method and awesome television show reference, multiply it by the idea of moderation, and divide it by patience, it brings us a life equation for peace and harmony.
I have come to a point in the column where I would (and will still) use a personal anecdote to offer genuine and authentic communication for togetherness, while emphasizing the chosen card this month, and yet, I am frozen. I keep telling myself if I “focus” it’ll come. I think its more than that. I see this from a point of view where it is in fact me hiding from being accountable and honest not only with all of you, but with myself. I thought that “patience” would be quick and easy to write about, especially since we are in the season of deepening darkness and long cold winter days. I mean who isn’t counting the days for spring right now?
Then I learn that Temperance is more than that, much more. When I hear “self control,” a part of me cringes as it hesitates and worries that everyone will see through me, and see that I lack this. I make choices every moment of every day, just as you all do, and I hound myself for them. I begin the bargaining stage by pleading with my self that if I just had more will power and self control I would be happier. What is it that is stopping me from the more productive self control choices I could be making? How is it that I can be making choices that I feel are producing the results I long for, and then one thing can happen, sending me into a spiral that takes me so far off the path, I am left standing there asking “What happened?”
I am coached and encouraged to see beyond the “perfectionism” and to see things differently, but from where I sit, I see myself in a pattern; I am vibrating within alignment and then something small disrupts my environment and I am then sling-shot into a vibration of survival. I see myself allow the things that bring me peace, the things that bring me joy, the things that give me strength, and the things that keep me feeling great, slip through my fingers as I watch myself choose the options that do the complete opposite. I continuously remind myself of the phrase, “it’s okay not to be okay” hoping that it will lead me down a path of understanding and light.
I would like to think that I will be able to bring this all around to a more uplifting and positive ending, that I will be able to offer you all some inspiration, or a light at the end of a dark tunnel. While there is the very highest version of myself that on some level knows it will all be okay and that it can, and possibly will turn around, the Earthly part of me feels stuck and unsure of the ability to crawl and dig myself out of the looming shadows this season can bring, and maybe that is okay. Maybe its okay that the bright and shiny bubbly version doesn’t have to be the point. Maybe, just maybe, its okay that this time, we can focus on knowing that we are not alone in this depth.
Comments